These past couple of weeks have been rough on me. Fisher has stopped sleeping through the night and I don’t know if it’s the normal 6 month growth spurt thing or the fact that she has recently pushed through two teeth or both of those…. or none and completely something else. It’s thrown me for a loop and I feel as though I don’t understand my baby, which alone makes me so sad. She has been so fussy and haven’t known what to do to help. Holding her does the trick for a second but then it’s back to whining and whimpering. If I lay her down or distract her her, it’s the same thing- it only works for a moment. My heart breaks when I think she’s in pain and I don’t know who to fix it. Needless to say my anxiety levels have been through the roof and it’s been obvious. Poor, poor husband. He’s had two very whiny girls on his hand.
Thankfully he’s a smart man. Realizing I needed a little break and also some good time with Fisher to reconnect, he planned a night away from our little cottage to just be a family. Away for dishes. Away from the pile of laundry that’s been growing like a living organism. Away from the little tumble weed hair balls my dogs make faster than I can sweep them up. Away form everything that doesn’t truly matter to rest in the things that do. And to trust myself as momma again. It truly was what I needed. And even though she didn’t sleep well AT ALL (insert I was up for three straight hours at one point), I felt refreshed. I got to remind myself that my strength to be her momma doesn’t come from myself. That when I don’t have all the answers, Jesus does. And to meditate on this: to trust in myself as her momma requires me to first and foremost trust fully in Jesus.